I’ve been MIA for the past couple of weeks because of some flesh eating virus (a cold and sore throat that has made me feel like an unfit 90 year old) that Alaska probably lovingly brought from nursery along with dirty sticks and muddy toes. It has given me time to take some ‘sick time’ (from self employment and working from home) to watch Peppa Pig while reading random parenting articles and to reflect on life in general.
It’s made me realise that reading articles on Selfish Mother makes me feel like I’m Annie from Bridesmaids or some other wit-machine, which makes me want to write.
It’s made me realise I’m envious of the other 20-somethings who don’t have kids because they get to do things like shit on their own and go on spontaneous trips with their girl gang.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change that for anything. When I’m laid in my death bed with a cranky, also poorly toddler who insists on kicking me in the face, I wouldn’t change it for anything. Sure, it would be easier to lay in bed and get better while watching Pretty Little Liars and not having to move my honey water every 4 seconds so that one of us doesn’t end up scolded, but I wouldn’t change it.
I love being needed. As sad as that sounds, there is a huge (strange) sense of accomplishment when you feel like utter crap but still manage to tidy the house, change 10 nappies and serve 3 semi-nutritious meals a day to a toddler who will only eat red and yellow food this week. I may have the Peppa Pig theme tune stuck in my head forever but I wouldn’t change the snoring, snotty monkey who insists on sleeping in my bed at night for anything. She needs me. There is nobody else but her mummy that can comfort her or soothe her as well as me.
So I feel accomplished. Maybe I’m not in my last year of uni like just about all of my high school friends. Maybe I will never think that wearing trainers is okay with anything but a sports bra and a pair of leggings like the rest of the cool kids. But I’m fulfilling my role. I’m making a little human very happy and healthy. She makes me proud every single day and makes me so happy.
Just random little things that she does and says melt my heart. She realised the other day that when she shuts her eyes she can’t see anything. That’s so adorable, you have no idea.
What I’m trying to say is be grateful for whatever you’ve got. The grass is always greener on the other side but it’s green on yours too. If you’ve got a family and are just looking after them or if it’s just you exploring the world.
Thanks for reading,