Being a parent to a two year old involves a million random things you can’t imagine if you’re not a parent. You say things you never thought you’d say (‘Don’t lick the bin.’) and do things that you never expected to be doing (just today we spent about an hour mixing glitter with body lotion which I was then covered in by an alarmingly amused two year old).
I thought sharing some of the conversations I have with Alaska would give you the gist of what I deal with on a daily basis.
Alaska The Hairdresser
We were playing hairdresser – Alaska sprays my hair with the first sprayable hair product we find around the house and then brushes it out. I have extremely curly/frizzy hair naturally, so it gets bigger and bigger the longer you brush it.
Alaska: Mummy you’re gonna look like Ariel!
Me: Okay baby.
*Alaska brushes my hair aggressively making me half bald in the process*
Alaska: Mummy I’m sorry.
Me: What are you sorry for?
Alaska: I can’t make you look like Ariel. I don’t have any magic.
Me: That’s okay.
Alaska: You just look like Merida, I’m not a fairy.
Changing Room Adventures
We went swimming with my mum in law and Alaska’s little aunties. In the changing room, I sit Alaska down on a bench and start getting our things out. A woman next to us (who probably grew up in a naked house) is about two feet from us, moisturising her feet with her foot resting on the bench.
Alaska: Mummaay, lady’s naked.
Me: Yes darling, you’ll be naked soon too.
Alaska: Lady’s got boobies, LOOK BOOBIES!
Me: Yes baby, when you’re a grown up you’ll have boobies too.
Alaska: *pointing at the woman’s crotch* MUMMY LOOK LADY’S GOT HAIR!!!
Me: *completely stunned and speechless trying not to laugh or make eye contact*
The Dog Poo
We went to the shop, a five minute walk away from our house. Obviously with a two year old, this lasts around 45 minutes of adventures (finding sticks) and sightseeing (bugs and trees). Along the way, we encountered a dog poo someone didn’t pick up.
Alaska: Mummy what’s this?
Me: It’s dog poo baby, just walk around it.
Alaska: Who’s is it?
Me: It’s doggie’s.
Alaska: Which doggie’s?
Me: I don’t know, it’s gone home now.
Alaska: Where is doggie’s house? Is it this one? *repeating the question pointing at every house in eyeshot*
Me: Yes it’s that one.
Alaska: No mummy, the doggie doesn’t live here. Why is it brown?
Me: I don’t know.
Alaska: Is it chocolate?
Me: Let’s go home.
We were on our way somewhere, Alaska walking with me on foot, wearing a thin dress.
Alaska: Mummy, it’s a sunny day today.
Me: Yes, it’s lovely and warm.
Alaska: It’s hot mummy.
Me: Yes, it’s a bit hot.
Alaska: Mummy the sun is too shiny.
Me: It is a bit bright, don’t look straight at it.
Alaska: Mummy stop it.
Me: Stop what?
Alaska: Stop making it hot.
Me: It’s not me, it’s the sun.
Alaska: Stop the sun mummy.
To sum all these random stories up, when you’re planning a baby, pregnant or cuddling your 7 pound newborn, be ready for this. You will be expected to answer the most bizzaire questions, have extremely long conversations about things you would never even think to question. You will feel like you don’t know what to say. And then you will learn how to handle every situation ever. So enjoy it, laugh it off and write it down because when your kids are in their twenties, you won’t remember every funny conversation you’ve had with your kids and they’re the memorable ones.
Hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed re-living them.
Thanks for reading,